A Positive Exercise To Understanding Your Anger

Violent, destructive, uncontrolled anger can cause harm

Violent, destructive, uncontrolled anger can cause harm not only to the person and or physical property that is receiving the brunt of this anger but to the person that is out of control.  This intense anger that a person feels is much like what the alcoholic feels.  If you’ve had this problem for a while it is a normal way to live.  When you have the problem and are living with it is this is the norm. Understanding you have a problem is the first step that must be taken.  Then there are exercises that can help you understand why you become angry and what triggers your anger. These exercises can help you control your anger.

Understanding

There are several ways to help you understand your anger.

·        Take classes geared towards anger management.

Seek professional help from an anger management counselor who understands the dynamics of anger management and can guide you through the steps of understanding what makes you angry and why.

Keep an Anger Journal. This journal is your personal thoughts. What causes the episodes of anger?  When does it happen, morning, noon or night? What is the trigger, traffic, work, family, or financial problems? What do you feel?

·        Journal Exercise

Make a list of 5 to 10 things that really punch your buttons. These are general things that make you angry. These things can be small annoyances or the huge volcanic size stimulus. An annoyance may be as simple as not putting the tie wrap on a loaf of bread, or the person who cuts in line at the check out line at the store. That big trigger may be the person that cuts you off in traffic, or it may be the person that bullies people in the work place. The things that trigger your anger and my anger may be totally different. This is a journal about your own personal feelings. Simple writing things down will help you to identify what triggers your anger. This journal exercise, writing down and identifying triggers is a major and first step to understanding your anger. When making entries into your journal try to rate each trigger and its intensity with a scale of 1 thru 10,10 being the most intense and 1 the least intense.

Now that you have identified and rated your triggers, you need to remember how you reacted to these triggers and write it down. What did you say?  Was it a calm response or were you verbally abusive? What did you do? Did you tense up? Did want to strike out at an individual or object?  Did you become physically abusive with a person or object? Remembering as much as possible about what the trigger was, what the intensity was, what your response was is very important in the control of your anger.

The next step in the journal exercise is to write down how your actions or words made you feel. Did say, why did I do that?  Were you embarrassed? Did you try to justify your reaction?  Then, put yourself in the mind of the people that saw or felt your reaction to your anger. Were they embarrassed for you?  Could this be why people don’t like to be around you?  Write it down, just how you think your words or actions made those involved in the situation feel. Write about those directly involved.  Write about bystanders or witnesses to the situation. How do you think they felt about what happened? 

There are consequences for anger management issues. These can be felt internally resulting in stress, which can lead to further anger issues. There can be family issues, friendship issues and even issues with lawsuits and trips to appear in court. What if your family and friends decide that they have had enough?  What if you are charged with and found guilty of destroying property or causing harm to an individual?   What if your anger brings shame to you and your family.  Do you think this is fair and justified for you, your family, friends, and individuals around you? If you had to do it over don’t you think the situation could be handled better?

If you can identify that you have an anger management problem, understand how the problem starts and the consequences of your actions, you have made a major step toward to a positive solution. If you have made it this far you can feel proud.  Give yourself a pat on the back and say I can beat this thing.  You can move on with your life, save your family, rebuilt your friendships